Fathers be good to your daughters.... CAUTION: This is a long one...

Oh if life were as simple as John Mayer puts it.

My check engine light has been on for 2 weeks. I know, what does this have to do with my dad? It does, trust me. If you've known me for any length of time, which I guess only leaves Classy, then you'd understand why it makes perfect sense.

I finally take my car to get diagnosed and find out that my sweet little Mazda 626 needs a new catalytic converter (which I also find out doesn't need to be replaced immediately, but the car is only 6 years old, so this matter is frustrating.)

I made the mistake, which I knew would bite me in the ass, of posting a status on MySpace of "Grrrr Car Troubles..."

My dad has MySpace, so this means he sees this.

HISTORY.....
My dad, when I was about 16 or 17, decided that this life wasn't what he wanted for himself. This isn't what he signed up for. "This" being no college degree, my mother being the "bread winner", and whatever else he decided wasn't what he wanted. So, my parents divorced my senior year of highschool. Awesome, I know. Blah, Blah, Blah... there's a lot of history that could be inserted here, but in interests of getting straight to the story, let's just leave it at that. I don't talk to him much. He only had to pay child support on me for a short time, but he hasn't really put much money towards my education except the discount I get for school because he works for the state. Either way, he has never been very eager to give me money, because well, he doesn't have it.

FLASH FORWARD......
He's been on this kick lately, that he wants me to keep him updated with my life. Okay, fine, what do you want to know? Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call me!

So yesterday when I found out what was wrong with my car and I mistakenly changed my status, I almost immediately received a phone call from him. "Tell me what's going on." I explained that everything was fine, it'll be taken care of blah blah blah. My fantastic mother has always taken care of me when I haven't been able to take care of myself, no questions asked.

He complained that I don't call him with my problems and inquired, "WHY?" I just explained that my mother has been there, so it's the routine that I'm used to.

He proceeded to get offended and explained to me that he is my parent too. He taught me how to read! OMG. FOR REAL?! Because my ability to read has everything to do with which parent I choose to call for my dilemmas!!!

So, because I was in a hurry to get to work I humored his ranting and yelling and ended up getting off the phone with him. And of course after we were done, I called my mom. I was mad. FURIOUS even.

Soon after that, I learned he had posted a status on MySpace saying... "Roxie, if you need help call me, being proud doesn't make you an adult!!!" WTF MATE?!?! So, writing hateful statuses (would the plural be stati?) makes you an adult??

I went to work, had a good night and came home and wrote him a letter.

I’m not denying that you are my father nor am I denying that you taught me many valuable lessons and skills, but I’m also not denying that my mother was around to teach me those things either. You both played an equal part in my growing up whether you choose to believe that or not.

I appreciated your phone call this afternoon in as much as it was check in on me, but I did not appreciate the lashing I received because I didn’t come to you with my car problem, nor have I come to you for past problems.

If you’re sitting there wondering why I wouldn’t call you about these things, it’s pretty simple, just like I told you today. You don’t have the means to help me, and you’ve made that pretty clear over the past 5 years.

Even if we talk about the implications of this, it is pretty clear to me and would be clear to anyone, that after so many instances of rejection a person can’t continue to go back. The example of the kid putting her hand on the stove rings loudly in my head. Eventually after a few times of burning her hand she doesn’t touch the stove again, right? You are the stove. I’m the child. I’m tired of burning myself. I know I can rely on my mother to help me in times of need, and she has proven this time after time.

I’m not asking for you to prove yourself to me in any way. I don’t want you to sell your belongings for what you think is a just cause. If I were in dire straights and had no other options, I could sell my own belongings. I don’t need my father to sell his and I don’t care if you want to.

As for the MySpace status, I’m pretty sure that I’m an adult whether I’m proud or not. I can count on my hands how many times you’ve been proud in certain situations when it came to money, or allowing someone to do something for you, so don’t talk to me about being proud. It’s proud of you to think that you can help me, it would hurt you to help me financially and I don’t want that for you.

It isn’t about money. I could care less about the money. I don’t need anything from you. It just so happens, here recently and over the past few years, I’ve needed a little extra help sometimes because I don’t make enough to completely support myself. I’m thankful that I have someone who can be there for me, because without her, I don’t think I would be able to be in school and be successful. My college degree will be the most valuable thing I ever do for myself.
That makes me an adult. Not asking you for money has nothing to do with it.

I’m sorry for hurting your feelings by telling you that I’m used to going to Mommy for help. What else would you have me do?

At this point in life, I don’t know where our relationship is headed. We don’t really have one, do we? I’m no longer the 16 year old girl who you left 5 years ago nor am I the same person I was. I love you with all my heart and I respect you, but when you call me and yell at me, I’m not sure what you want. So, this is the update. This is where I stand. You made me cry. I shouldn’t have to defend my actions to you. I’m not in the wrong. I did what I had to do to take care of myself (or survive, if you will). Maybe one day we’ll be able to have a normal relationship, but I’m not quite sure what our roles are anymore. There is a chunk missing from the equation and I’m not sure how we’re supposed to make up for that time.

So, feel free to give me your thoughts, as I’m sure you will.

I felt like I owed you this much. This is everything I couldn’t say on the phone.

I love you

That's about all I had to say to him. I ended up deleting all of the comments that were hateful and harsh, but I felt this got the point across.

His reply??? He read it almost immediately, but waited about 5 hours to reply.

Roxie, I sincerely appreciate you telling me your feelings. I love you. I want only to let you know that my heart is open to bettering our relationship. I am very sad that I made you cry--I cried also, for what it's worth. I desparately want and need a good relationship with you. If you'd like to talk, I am off from work this weekend.

Not really sure, how I will address it further, but I guess this is progress. I don't hate him, I just really dislike him sometimes. So stay tuned for that impending convo.

Anyone else have/had father problems? How have you dealt with them?

Buh! What a day!