The boyfriend and growing up.

With only 2 months left in last semester as an undergraduate, I've been contemplating what's next. I know for most graduates, finding a job is that next step, but in the current economy that's probably not in my best interest. I don't want to turn out like all of my other friends in the restaurant business. They have a bachelor's degree and no job in their field to show for it.

So graduate school seems to be the answer. Especially since I don't feel like I'm done learning. I'm looking at the university in my home town which has a Sociology program that I'm interested in, but the one that I'm really interested in is 5 hours away from my current city and 2 and 1/2 hours away from my home town (but 20 minutes away from Classy!!!). The distance doesn't really bother me, until I started talking about what the "plan" was with the boyfriend, on Sunday night.

About 6 months ago, the boyfriend's "plan" was to take a year off, apply to grad schools, and then go to grad school when I planned on starting. We didn't really make a decision about where we were going, but I had almost convinced him to move home with me; however he doesn't like big cities. Home isn't necessarily big, but it's definitely bigger than the current city and bigger than where he grew up.

His main dilemma was grad school or law school. Either way, in my mind, not a horrible dilemma.

What's his "plan" now? I sat him down inquiring on Sunday because I'm getting close to having to decide where and when I want to move.

Well, the plan goes something like this.

***Note: I exaggerate his side of the story for effect and out of frustration.***

School is the last resort right now. Every morning he wakes up and feels empty (that's called depression) and feels like there is more to do in the World than just wake up, work in a crappy restaurant, come home, play video games, and go to bed. I agreed with him. I have this feeling sometimes, too, but then I tell myself that the monotony will change.

So, he doesn't really know what he wants to do. It's not like he wants to go find himself, because he already knows who he is. He just wants to discover who he is in relation to the World around him. So one of the answers may be to go live on a commune, an Indian reservation, or just go roam the mountain tops somewhere. The other option (less dramatic option) would be to move back in with his parents, study for the GRE and save up $. Okay, you're probably thinking that these things don't sound too crazy, but this isn't it.

The World is coming to an end. (Reference this post for more on that) He believes that end will be in his life time. He doesn't know if he wants to just go along with what the "system" wants him to do (school) or if he wants to go explore the World before it ends. (roughly--not his exact words)

***Disclaimer: I'm not the kind of woman that wants to keep her boyfriend from doing the things that makes him happy. I would never do that. I actually encourage these adventures that he wants to go on. ***

So, where do I become upset? I'm upset that he's willing to essentially give up a loving relationship in which he is perfectly happy to go explore. By himself.

He said, yes, that's basically what he's trying to decide between.

I didn't understand how nature could be more important than me. I couldn't understand how we could have a relationship that way. And more importantly I was afraid he was going to meet some nature woman that he'd feel was more compatible with. I was crying by this time, because my conversations with him seem so surreal sometimes. Do people really have conversations like this?

He explained to me that the commune etc were the extremes, but he didn't want to just settle for moving home and going to grad school. He didn't want to break up with me and he doesn't want me to wait for him to go on these adventures, but he wanted me to know this was what he was thinking.

I calmed down realizing that the boyfriend is mostly talk. He has tons of grand ideas, but never follows through with them. We didn't really decide on anything, but at least we talked about it. I'm going to grad school no matter what he does. He's moving in with his parents whenever I decide that I'm going to move.

But all of our creatures (2 dogs and 2 cats) would be the dilemma. I'd have to take 1 or both of the dogs. We're not sure how this would all work especially if he were going far away to adventure. I suppose this is a conversation for another day.

I told him I had been excited about moving into the next stage of our life together. Together being the operative word. I guess we'll just have to play it by ear.

"When did we grow up and how do we make it stop?" Greys Anatomy